The College Experience ~ Winter '08

[bloodyrosemccoy]

Aries Begins
Good Friday
Holi (Hindu - India)
Memory Day
National Common Courtesy Day
Naw-Ruz (Baha'i New Year)
Purim (Jewish)
UN International Day for the Elimination of Racial Discrimination
Worm Moon
Birthday - Johann Sebastian Bach (composer)
Noruz (Nauroze) [Iranian/Persian New Year]
Independence Day (Namibia)
Human Rights Day (South Africa)
New Years Day (India)

 

What I Learned This Winter:

 

• Batarangs make good box openers.
• Mitch Hedberg died of a drug overdose in 2005. This is a surprise to me in the same way it was probably a surprise to people when Janis Joplin died of one.
• It’s possible to lose your luggage twice within six months.
• Don’t watch an Alfred Hitchcock movie while still riding an adrenalin high from a really intense modern-special-effects screaming death creature feature, because far from feeling like you have redeemed your taste in movies you will feel guilty because the Hitchcock movie is boring you with its lack of explosions.
• I hate to be touched. In a general way, I mean. I’m okay with a rather nervous I’m-not-gay type hug, but I dislike sitting smashed up against people, and I even have a tough time shaking hands.
• A good way to mix up Campbell’s condensed tomato soup is with one of those little cappucino frother-mixers.
• My name literally means “no limbs” in Greek. I didn’t actually learn this; it just occurred to me at some point. For some reason I find this really funny.
• Lavender tincture is calming and helps you sleep, especially if you have it with warm milk and honey.
• Shower curtains don't all come with hooks.
• Some people think that prehistoric people only created their incredible, beautiful works of art when on drug trips where they literally saw the things they painted.  This suggests that some people think that prehistoric people had no imagination.
• Not all writers groups are filled with pretentious jackasses.
• Thomas Jefferson was even racister than you get taught in high school. He had to justify having slaves even though he wrote that whole thing about “All men are created equal,” so he went with the simple conclusion that black people don’t count as men. One of his offhand suggestions that it could be scientifically proven was taken seriously by whole droves of scientists in the 19th Century. Thanks, Tom.
• Maple syrup and sweet potatoes go together surprisingly well.
• I have finally discovered a use for those stupid little bullet tampons that do fuck-all in their capacity as tampons: they make truly excellent nosebleed-stoppers. My mother found this out when she came down with a case of Intermittent Nosebleeds.
• Scientists are still divided as to whether various parts of language are processed discretely or globally. This is the sum total of what I learned from my neurolinguistics class.
• Hamburger casserole tastes better on the second day.
• The creepy science fiction “WoooOOOooo” noise so beloved of cheesy movies is made by a thing called a theremin, which is played without being touched when you wave your hands at two antennae, which alters the pitch of the music.
• Some people actually like the recent movie version of A Little Princess and dislike the book. I know this is incomprehensible and crazy, but it’s apparently true.
• Sir Thomas Browne was a badass. In 1646 he wrote a book that debunked such common myths as the one that beavers bite off their own testicles when being attacked by predators (to distract the predator, apparently), that men have one rib fewer than women, that elephants have no joints, and that Jews stink.
• If your microwave does everything—goes ping and whrrr and lights up and shows the clock and spins the tray—except generate actual heating microwaves, then it is probably a blown fuse. Not that you can do anything about this. You would probably explode if you tried. Call an expert. Or get a new microwave.
• I really, really like B movies. Especially B movies about giant killer things, or evil people. Those are awesome.
• The chemical composition of tears really does differ depending on whether they are emotional tears or the result of an irritation to the eyes. This does not, however, lend credence to my favorite CSI “Scientific” Moment, ever*: When Sarah informs someone that there are “five types of tears: tears of sorrow, joy, fear, regret, and allergic reaction.”

*Even topping the pottery project that recorded a conversation they then deciphered using a laser.