"Your Flu Vaccine Gave Me The Flu!"

[bloodyrosemccoy]

I am familiar with the principle of vaccination. I understand how it’s sort of like training your immune system to kill in the same way that cats train their offspring to: showing it a dead or weakened version of The Enemy, and letting it familiarize itself with the concept of DESTROY! I understand that the analogy I just used is simplistic at best, and I can grasp the much more complex reality of the situation.

 

Yes, I get all that.

 

I don’t really care. I understand the need, but it’s still a little disconcerting to have a nurse use a needle to insert a tropical disease into your arm.

 

For one thing, I hate intramuscular vaccination. It makes me feel like I’ve been punched in the arm. I could handle the meningococcal vaccine because it was subcutaneous, and I got allergy shots for a number of years and put up with a small tattoo. But yellow fever had to go in the muscle, and made my whole arm sore.

 

Also, remember how I said that rumor had it the yellow fever vaccine makes you sick?

 

The rumor has been confirmed. I have General Malaise. Also, my eyeballs may launch from their sockets at any time

 

And that’s just the beginning! I’m also taking typhoid oral vaccinations, and next week I get to go have a couple of boosters and pick up the prescriptions for clean needles (along with a letter saying that they’re for medical purposes, dammit), anti-malarials, birth control,* and treatment for travelers’ diarrhea.  And I tell you, nothing inspires confidence in you like the nurse saying, “I’m going to write a prescription for two episodes of diarrhea, because you’ll be there long enough.”  I also have a 63-page pamphlet that boils down to, “Go there if you insist, but wear a bodysuit.  And stay indoors.  With the windows closed and the drapes pulled.  Under your bed, if it’s possible.  And drink only bottled water and only eat Clif Bars.”

 

But gods dammit, this is happening.

 

Remind me why I’m going here, again, and why I didn’t pick a nice clean first world country like Norway?

 

 

*The basic message I’m getting from the clinic is that while in Kenya, the best plan is to not have sex.  With anyone.  In fact, just to be safe, don’t even fantasize, because you never know what your imaginary partners may have picked up from hookers in Nairobi or something.  So my need for Da Pill caused some concern among the nurses.  However, I’ve been taking birth control for a third of my life for a completely unrelated reason.

Comments

[shadesofmauve]

If they could only innoculate against all the other colors of death, you'd be immortal!

Sorry, I have my silly hat on.

[padparadscha.livejournal.com]

Y'know, I was thinking last night about the colors of diseases. I remember as a kid wondering why they were "scarlet fever," "yellow fever," the "black death," etc..

Great minds ...

[shadesofmauve]

I think, when I go, I'd like to go by indigo death. Or something in paisley.

[padparadscha.livejournal.com]

Although the Pastel Death may not give you quite as many coolness points. But I'm curious about the Electric Blue Death With Gold Spots.

"She's got sepia fever. She's the exact color of an old photograph."

[shadesofmauve]

Quick! Color her in with those special photo markers, STAT!