A Truly Worthwhile Show

[bloodyrosemccoy]

CSI Night isn’t really about the CSI, you know. But even so, it was the catalyst. Why do we watch this silly show, you ask? Well, I have compiled a by no means exhaustive list of reasons. Here they are.

 

Reasons Why I Love CSI

 

1. These people never sleep. Due to budget constraints, the entire Las Vegas crimebusting team consists of eleven people whose energy reserve rivals that of Link from the Legend of Zelda. They get all this energy through photosynthesis, which is why the lab has crazy blue lighting. And they each have had to take on the jobs of the other hundreds of crimebusters who have been laid off. Between analyzing DNA, decomposing pigs, poking at bugs, dusting for fingerprints, interviewing suspects, and shooting people, it’s a wonder these people have any time for character development at all.
2. No death is innocuous. Okay, actually, I remember one accidental death in the course of the show. The girl’s parents didn’t believe that it was an accident. If they watch the show, I really can’t blame them. Death by insane clown is considered “natural causes” here.
3. Hodges. There is one unsung character on the show: Hodges, the trace guy. His role on the show is to be the obnoxious loser you don’t like. We love him.  He has a talent for saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, tries to suck up to the boss, bitches about frivolous things, and makes tasteless jokes about victims. He’s only been seen in daylight once. We made him a theme song.
4. Photoshop Evidence. “The Polaroid Bat’leth Killer* has struck again, and here is the picture he took of his victim. I have ‘enhanced’** the victim’s left eye, and if we further enhance this speck on her pupil, we find we can see the image of her killer burned onto her retina! Now we’ll just morph away the enormous instant camera, and voila!—the face of your murderer!”
5. Science. “A clay pot the killer was throwing on the wheel at the time he and his accomplice were conspiring will have recorded their conversation! Somebody get me a laser!”
6. Nick the disaster magnet. Seriously, this poor sonuvabitch seems to have a buildup of narrativium in his blood stream that sucks unfortunate plot twists toward him. So far in the show he has confessed to being abused by his babysitter as a kid, been held at gunpoint twice, been thrown through a window by a guy who stalked him and took up residence in his attic, had his love interest murdered, been accused of murdering his love interest, and been buried alive in a plexiglass coffin to get chewed on by fire ants until his pals dug him up. The daughter of his burier failed to take his advice and killed herself. If he quit and got a job somewhere innocuous like at a birdwatching store, sparrows would probably eat his eyes. And then he would be murdered by David Attenborough with a bat’leth.
7. Personal stakes. Everyone has been personally affected by some bastard out there. Fortunately, since there are only eleven people solving crimes in Las Vegas, they get to confront their offenders directly when they interview them. This is in no way a breach of procedure.
8. Crazy people. They’re everywhere. Get used to them!

*No, nobody’s died with a bat’leth ripoff yet. I am willing to lay money down on the first crime show that will use that as a weapon, and my bet is Law & Order.

 

**Nobody knows what this means.


EDIT: *singing*  Hodges!  HODGESSSS!!!

Comments

[ellixis.livejournal.com]

... this is why I twitch when someone replies to my "oh, I like reading about forensic science" with "Oh! I love watching CSI!"

[padparadscha.livejournal.com]

It's like responding to "I like reading about spaceflight" with "Oh! I love watching Star Trek!"

[ellixis.livejournal.com]

Yeah. Superficially similar but Not The Same.

[thewrongcrowd.livejournal.com]

And tonight the miniature killer returns! Squeee!

[padparadscha.livejournal.com]

AND it's apparently a Hodges and the Lab Rats* episode, too!


*This should totally be the name of a rock band.

[chibicharibdys.livejournal.com]

*snerk* Dude, that makes me want to watch CSI so badly. Pity that my television can't actually recieve television signals.

[enigmania.livejournal.com]

I love the enhancing. Have you seen "Super Troopers"?

Whenever I need to zoom in on a pdf or whatever I always say "Enhance!" with each pass.

Also, I think I would get much more research done if I wore a lab coat and put blue lights all over my office. And don't forget the science music!

[chibicharibdys.livejournal.com]

The trendy video montages of people doing Scientific Things help also!

[shadesofmauve]

Enhance: Nobody knows what this means

Equisitley tasteful eyeshadow with just a hint of kohl, perfect for a darkly lit show. Isn't this what they always mean? :P

[http://users.livejournal.com/_wastrel/]

Ahh, CSI. I've never seen a single episode of it, but I've been wanting very, very much to watch that episode of it for several years now.

[die-monster.livejournal.com]

Oh man. My room-mate is a total CSI nut. I'm not a big fan, but whenever it's on (you can't fool me, it's always on somewhere apparently) I'll just stroll through yelling..."IT"S BUGS! IT'S ALWAYS BUGS!" Because it seems like an inordinate amount of the time, some rare bug is the key to the case.

[padparadscha.livejournal.com]

Well, the main character IS a "criminal entomologist," so he does tend to gravitate toward bugs ...

[die-monster.livejournal.com]

I know he's meant to be a little wacky...but I'm pretty sure that his skills would not be necessary quite so often. It's ALWAYS BUGS. Last time it was chiggers. I was laughing so hard.

[padparadscha.livejournal.com]

And guess which character got bitten by those chiggers?

[die-monster.livejournal.com]

I'm bad with names...who was it? I only remember a bad guy having chiggers which placed him at the crime scene or something...

[padparadscha.livejournal.com]

Grissom realized that the chigger bite was important when he noticed that they had bitten ... Nick the Disaster Magnet! Who else? ;)