I would hereby like to volunteer myself for medical research.

 

Specifically, I want a second brain inserted in my lower abdomen.

 

Because frankly, as it is my upper and lower half are having communication issues here. I am fine on the upper half—can play video games pretty well, juggling is coming along fine, etc.. But today, in tap dance, I realized that next to everyone else, I am lumbering around like Penn Jillette trying to dance the quick-step.*  I can’t even count the number of times I’ve had the following conversation with my feet:

AMELIA: All right, dudes! Dance time! Let’s do a shim-sham.

Even if the second problem doesn't get solved by the brain in my lower end, I still want it.  It would have many other uses, too, after all.  Maybe it would have more insight into some of my analytical projects. Or maybe it could complement my other brain, being good at spatial navigation and math and all the things the one I’ve got right now isn’t.  I could get more things done by sleeping one at a time while the other took control. Maybe it would turn me into a super-genius.

 

On the other hand, it might make it harder to make decisions if I’m literally of two minds about everything.  And what if this second brain gets a chemical problem? I don’t want two depressed brains on my hands.

 

All right, this warrants further investigation. But at this point, the volunteer offer still stands. 


*With luck, I'll be able to juggle like him in the near future.

 

Hmm. I was going to mention today that I had my first class in juggling, followed by my first class in tap dancing, and that isn’t it great that I’ve got these cool classes while all my for serious classes are on Mondays and Wednesdays, but then I remembered the date and realized you probably wouldn’t believe me. So I’ll tell you all about it tomorrow.

 

So! Uh …  I’ve never been wildly enthusiastic about this holiday.  This year the joke seems to be RickRolling.  The hilarity overwhelms me. However, I have grocery shopping to do and writers’ group to go to, so if you’re liable to be disappointed with my failure at embracing today’s wacky hijinks and kooky kapers, could y’all do me a favor and RickRoll yourselves? I know it’s a little impolite to make you do it yourselves instead of giving you the attention and tomfoolery you deserve, but I’ve got a lot to do starting up this term, and I have to drop something off my plate.  You understand?  I need me time.  I think Dr. Phil probably said something about how you've got to make time for yourself first.  Or maybe it was Frasier Crane.  Anyway,  I’ll make it up to you some other time … maybe I’ll randomly post that you’ve got cancer, or that I’ve converted to Christianity, or that I just bought a small pet triceratops, or I'll post it all in Swahili or something. Okay?