bloodyrosemccoy | The Grurple Mood Hat

Independence Day (U.S.)

National Country Music Day

Sidewalk Egg Frying Day

So I have this hat.

It’s a really snazzy hat, if I do say so myself. You’ve seen it. It’s in my default icon*—this velveteen number that may or may not be a Greek cap, but which I always thought looked like Super Mario’s classic headwear and your standard formal military hat made beautiful music together. My aunt gave it to me for my birthday last year, and ever since then I’ve been wearing it often—something I only did in the past with this battered leather Australian Outback hat. It is, truly, awesome.

And I mean awesome not only in the sense of “awesome like a hot dog,” but also in the sense of “awesome like a hundred billion hot dogs.” Because this hat has a power the likes of which you can’t even begin to dream of.

This hat can change color.

The mechanism is a very simple one, so simple that I’m surprised more people don’t figure it out. It’s like the magicians say, they miss the obvious possibility, and people groan when they find out how it works. But I will reveal to you, now, how this hat changes color.

It’s actually two different hats. They’re identical in every way, except that one is dark green and the other is dark purple. Sometimes I wear the purple one. Sometimes I wear the green one.

Easy.

But for some reason, every single time I wear one hat in front of someone, and then later I wear the other, it totally BLOWS THEIR MIND. They squint at my hat, stare at it, and finally, tentatively, they point at it with trembling hand.

“Didn’t that used to be green/purple?” they ask, sometimes with real terror in their voice.

“It is a mood hat,” I reply. “It changes color to reflect how I’m feeling.”

For a moment they believe me. Then they realize that that is ridiculous, and I explain I have two, and they feel better for having solved the Mystery of the Mood Hat. And then I go on to find the next hapless victim.

Somehow, though, the hats have become interchangeable in my head, and on it as well. I refer to them collectively as “my mood hat” now. They are a single unit, which can change color. And so the strange psychological phenomenon continues.

The people at Can I Offer You A Coke, where I work, were the latest to have their minds blown. At least I’m consistent. But the best bit is that they let me wear it! How awesome is that?

I’ll tell you how awesome it is. It’s as awesome as a hundred billion hot dogs. The Mood Hat continues its reign!

*Drawn, as I am fond of noting, by the ever-brilliant Emily.