I spent a lot of time knowing that I was an outsider, and being very proud of it, and also frustrated by the fact that I didn't think it was something I could really do anything about. It wasn't something I had chosen; it was just the way I was.

Exactly. Might as well take pride in it, since that's all you can do.

It's hard to say, at this much remove; so much of childhood ends up reworked through what I know and feel now that it's hard to be sure of what I really felt and thought back then.

That's true. I did hate fifth grade on some level, but my sister seemed to be right in that everyone did. I even remember wondering a little ways after fifth grade if I'd been depressed in it because everyone kept saying they thought I was.