bloodyrosemccoy | The Feast Of Saint Emo

Well, I only have a job for two more weeks, the holidays are over, my brother’s leaving us to go back to school in a couple of days, I have no fingernail, and it’s still winter. Life is something of a bummer right now.

So over dinner tonight, we discussed this and decided that we need another damn holiday to give us something to look forward to. Valentine’s Day doesn’t count, since after elementary school it’s all shmarmy couples, stressed out boyfriends, wad o’ diamonds commercials, and pissed-off singles. We need something all-inclusive. And something that isn't commemorative, like MLK Jr. Day, which is important but not exactly a fun-filled holiday you look forward to; it's more somber.

So I have decided. Given that the third Monday of January is supposedly the most depressing day of the year, I hereby declare it the Feast of Saint Emo. We will decorate with black and blue streamers, tear drops, and frowny faces. We will light black candles, listen to whiny indy music and sad love songs, maybe watch March of the Penguins or Hamlet. Maybe we can strew fake ferns and willows around.

We’re still trying to think of traditional time-honored foods. So far we’ve got pomegranates (actually traditionally and time-honoredly emo) and ice cream right out of the bucket, as well as lots of cups of tea.

Clearly, this is a prototype holiday right now, but I believe this could catch on. So I say to you: who is with me? Who thinks we need another holiday to get us though this? And what suggestions do you have for ways to celebrate our Pity Party on the Feast of Saint Emo? Sure, traditions are organic, but they have to start somewhere, and I’m starting this one now!

ETA: After some thought, my sister and I are going with our original plan of having it January 24, to avoid MLK Day. So it's moved back to then!

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First, a comfort-food feast in which everything involves little to no preparation because who wants to cook when they're depressed? The main dish will be macaroni and cheese, the kind with the powdered cheese and noodles shaped like cartoon characters.

Afterwards, everyone will pull a piece of paper in a hollowed-out skull (or rubber novelty thereof) and the person who receives the dreaded Black Spot will be dubbed the anti-festive emo-tree. Everyone else will decorate him with glow-in-the dark paint and stars, then turn on the blacklight. He must stand in total silence (assumption of the yoga tree pose optional) while everyone else gathers around his eerie glow and unwraps terrible, depressingly practical presents like socks and paperclips.

After this ritual, the tree is allowed to resume personhood, and everyone gets very drunk while watching an emo-film (suggestions: The Nightmare Before Christmas or Labyrinth.)

At midnight, everyone moves into the backyard to stare at the unforgiving vastness of space and ponder mankind's insignificance in an infinite, apathetic universe. BONUS POINTS IF IT IS RAINING!

Then all partygoers pass out on the living room floor and wake up with traditional Feast of St. Emo hangovers.

Wahoo! These are awesome ideas.

Afterwards, everyone will pull a piece of paper in a hollowed-out skull

Funny you should come up with that. My friend happens to have a fancy plastic medical skull with a detachable cranium ...

I'd dub the spot recipient the Debbie Downer.

The Feast Of Saint Emo

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