We NEVER Have Weather Apocalypses!

Gorgeous Grandma Day
Hot Enough For Ya Day
Leo Begins
Saint Apollinaris Feast Day
Revolution Day (Egypt)

 

Holy Optimus Christ, yesterday was weird. What else can you say about a day where you’re late for a job interview, which is on the other side of the universe, because while you were on your way there the apocalypse hit and suddenly there were floods and great winds and collapsing grocery store roofs—and then suddenly it’s sunny again and some parking lots are waist deep in water, as is the produce section?

 

This is why I always have a pair of Keens in the car next to my Fancy Job Interview Shoes—because you never know when floods or building-eating monsters may necessitate something easier to run in.

 

The rest of the day was just as weird, featuring dogs whose idea of a friendly hello is to attempt to give you a complete pelvic exam, the Return Of The Sids, and an actual doctor’s exam,* all exacerbated by my slightly crazed brain as a result of staying up ridiculously late watching Batman: The Animated Series on Youtube having not gotten much sleep. Thank goodness we have gondolinchick01 around to make delicious chicken sauces and exude a calming influence, even if she discovers what a flake I am while it happens.

 

Also, whenever I have a day I think is weird, I can remind myself of days like the one where I got to watch Dad staple Mom’s head together, or the poisonous plants expert who went on an abstinence-only rant while waving a jar with a deformed sheep’s head at me, or that night I managed to slaughter a goat and get chased around by a crazy guy wielding a machete.** Just keep telling yerself, kids: it could be weirder.

 

I’m taking today off, dammit.

 

 

*Yes, another. We’re going to figure this out if it kills us.

 

**All true stories.