bloodyrosemccoy: (Flamingo With A Yo-Yo)
It's quarter to ten and I'm cruising around the kitchen on roller skates making tacos and singing along to my headphones.

... I think I've gone feral.
bloodyrosemccoy: (Bros!)
I kind of have this suspicion that all old-timey cartoons were written by frustrated Nice Guys.

Think about it. You have our cute little hero and his girl, and then along comes the Big Bad Jerk to be his romantic rival. Sure, some of the cartoons have the Big Bad Jerk grabbing the lady outright, but a lot of the time she turns her nose up at our hero, for NO GOOD REASON, and goes with the Big Bad Jerk. Then it's up to the hero to kick the Big Bad Jerk's ass with the cunning use of slapstick, and only after that does the girl come back to him because he's Demonstrated Higher Value or whatever the pickup artists say.

So yeah, it's pretty the world according to the Nice Guy's lament that "Girls always go for the brawny jerk and never recognize what a great thing they've got with nice guys like me!" And even though they get their wish-fulfillment at the end, it's never implied that their insulting view of women--that they automatically go for the big dumb ass-kicker--may be incorrect: the girl still only goes back to the Nice Guy when he literally decides "No more Mr. Nice Guy."

Plus, like I said, she leaves Our Hero for NO GOOD REASON--like maybe he spilled something on her or laughed at a completely harmless thing. It's almost like the writers themselves kept getting spurned and COULDN'T IMAGINE what they were doing, and so just assumed that women were all fickle and shallow.

Somehow that particular gender dynamic in the old cartoons weirds me out more than the straight-up molesty ones.

All that said, however, I still love them old cartoons. Gotta go watch more of 'em.
bloodyrosemccoy: (Hey!  Listen!)
OH JEEZ, GUYS, I just had a thought.

So I'm playin' through Ocarina of Time again, like ya do, and I get to the point where Link wakes up after seven years asleep.

I always thought Link seemed remarkably psychologically prepared for Sudden Teenager Syndrome. "Maybe," I thought this time, "Rauru planned for that. He's magic, for crying out loud. Maybe he and ZeldaSheik gave Link some kind of dream-prep, like a realm where he could practice heroing. And it's subconscious but it still helps fortify his mind. Link spends the seven years having crazy vision quest dream adventures."

And then I thought, "Damn, that'd be a great game. I'd play that."

And THEN I thought "HEY WAITAMINUTE. What if I already have?"

Yes, I know there's an Official Timeline, but you can't tell me it wasn't probably a particularly inspired retcon. So who's to say Majora's Mask--the weirdest, dreamlikeiest of the Zelda games, which takes place in an alternate universe, wasn't Link's hero practice after all?

Well, okay, the flashback to Zelda in it is inconsistent, but not by much--it could be how Link dreams it. IT COULD STILL WORK.

Then I got into it. What if this Link is sort of THE Link? What if, while he slept, his consciousness went reverberating through time and space to link up to the consciousness of other potential heroes, learning from them and guiding them? Or, hell, what if ALL the other games are just his dream preps? It'd be a good way to handwave away any inconsistencies as Just A Dream.

Or maybe it's just Majora's Mask. Or none of it and Link just has some serious mental fortitude. He IS the Hero of Time, after all.

Eh, no matter what, I like playing with theories. Anyone who says you can't do literary analysis of games is totally missing out. I LOVE this stuff.
bloodyrosemccoy: (ABCDEF Cookie Monster)
It is Day Camp Week at the Space Place! Oh, god, kill me now.

A few observations:

1. I have very little patience for rowdy third-grade boys. This might be unfair to them, but at least it makes me consistent, since I really had no use for rowdy third-grade boys back in third grade. I was the kid furiously wishing these other little fuckers would just settle the hell down so we could get some learning done or, ideally, so I could read my damn book in peace. Jeezus, school was exhausting.

2. Earnest nerd kids, though, are my favorite. The whip-smart ones who want to tell you all about X-TREME SPACE! or announce that their favorite planet is an exoplanet just make me all warm and fuzzy inside.

3. When I was a kid, I dreaded those scavenger hunt worksheets they sometimes gave you on field trips. They were a painful, anxiety-laced way to learn things. Now that I am older and wiser and able to observe younger kids, I can tell you that they still seem massively inefficient. The aforementioned rowdy kids are too busy hollering fart jokes at each other* to even pay attention to the exhibits, and the neurotic nerds get so hung up on filling out the sheet correctly that they miss the parts of the trip they'd otherwise find enthralling and thus secretly educational.

It did kill 20 minutes, though.

4. There's a nice teenage volunteer helping with the day camp. She has decided that we're friends. So she sits next to me, deep inside my personal space bubble, preferably at about my four o'clock. When I try to move--say, get up to get a drink of water and sit back down in a chair farther away from her, she immediately comes over and sits next to me in the new location. I think I'm managing to be nice, though I'm not sure. I have managed not to side kick her in the pelvis upon catching her over my shoulder AGAIN, so that's something.

5. Why the fuck does Pluto appeal so much to kids? These little bastards were still in diapers when it got reclassified as a dwarf planet, and yet they still say it's their favorite planet and that it's getting a bum rap. I always thought it was a space rock far less interesting than, say, Mars or Neptune, but kids seem to really identify with it or something.

And yes, I was glad when it was reclassified, mostly because of my sense of order. Its reclassification happened because we found a lot of other similar objects, which means that we are refining our definitions as further information comes to light. I found that highly satisfying. But when I talk to kids about it, I am more likely to say that I'm happy it's been reclassified because how would you like to go to a big family reunion and be the only kid at the grownups' table? That's boring! Maybe that's how Pluto felt when it was considered a planet, instead of a dwarf planet like its friends.

Anyway, yeah. That was Day 1. Tune in to Day 2, to see if I punt anybody through the wall! I just hope the nerds stay enthusiastic enough to counter that.


*Okay, yes, when I say "fart jokes," I pretty much exclusively mean they yell the word "fart" a lot.
bloodyrosemccoy: (Lobot!)
GUYS, GUYS, I'VE HAD AN AMAZING THOUGHT.

WHAT IF GEORGE LUCAS KNEW WHAT HE WAS DOING THE WHOLE TIME?

I mean, maybe somehow his deal with the devil meant he could see the future, or at any rate he still had some hope for his own sequels, so back in the early 90s he knew that Disney would eventually scrap the Expanded Universe, which even though it's full of silly shit has some fun stuff in it.* So he decided to spare the fans the angst of losing all that, while still allowing for sequels which didn't follow it.

But how to do it?

Why, by splitting the timeline, of course! And this was back before that was the rad thing to do, so the guy was a visionary.

And he could do it. He had the upcoming Special Editions. All he had to do was make one little change to them. Something that represented an actual character choice, that might split off the universes, but wouldn't take too much from the sacred movies themselves. So he made it a tiny thing, something that had a few reverberations through the rest of the Special Edition Trilogy (like who was hired to do the floorshow at Jabba's palace, etc.), but that he naively hoped wouldn't even register with fans.

That's right.

George Lucas split the timelines by altering who shot first.

TAKE THAT, NERDS. GEORGE LUCAS HAS WORKED TIRELESSLY TO PRESERVE MARA JADE AND THE SOLO KIDS AND THRAWN, AND ALL YOU DO IS BITCH ABOUT IT. FOR SHAME.

And that's my crazy conspiracy theory for the night.


*What? I like the Solo kids! At least, I did before ... well, that's a whole other Sarlacc Pit, isn't it.
bloodyrosemccoy: (Bugs Loses It)
Today's horrifying realization: If you swap out the accessories, Gimli son of Glóin and Yosemite Sam are, in fact, the exact same character.

Yeah, still hammering out Scatterstone's next installment. I SWEAR IT IS ALMOST FIGURED OUT, GOD DAMMIT.
bloodyrosemccoy: (Beastly)
My facebook ads seem to have come down with amnesia. Suddenly they've forgotten all the helpful demographic information I've provided and are just flinging random pitches at me and hoping I'll be the target for one of them. "Are you getting married soon? Redecorating your bedroom? Do you need a pair of socks? 9 days for complete detox! Waste your time with games on Flash? Or were you in a big car crash? Christian singles want to date! Try 1 weird trick to lose some weight! Make money sitting on your ass! Sign up for a new online class! If you're a geek, well here's a shirt! Please WORK with us! Give us the dirt! What interests can we utilize when jamming ads into your eyes?"

"My info? That you've always had! Just check my profile, Sam-I-Ad!"

R.i.Pod

Sep. 21st, 2013 11:39 pm
bloodyrosemccoy: (Not So Lucky)
Lost my iPod for my birthday. THAT'S NOT HOW IT'S SUPPOSED TO WORK.

And I didn't just lose it. As I was getting out of the car for my job interview (which went pretty well, I think), I grabbed at it and somehow managed to flip it off the jack plugging it into the car's tape player. And then the motherfucking thing must have TELEPORTED INTO ANOTHER DIMENSION, because it was fucking NOWHERE after that. I checked the surrounding pavement to make sure it hadn't flipped straight out of the car, then figured it hadn't and decided I'd rummage for it after the interview/when I was no longer in a dark parking garage.

Obviously, it wasn't there, either.

My working theory is that it was stolen by little undercarriage aliens from the 8th Dimension. [livejournal.com profile] gwalla recently suggested that my gallbladder had been replaced by one of those aliens, and so my guess is that after I killed it, its friends retaliated. I choose to believe this rather than that it has been flattened by a car or appropriated by some other parking garage denizen, because to be perfectly honest I prefer a world like this to the one where some creep is cruising through the weird shit on my iPod.

At least now Dad knows what to get me for my birthday.
bloodyrosemccoy: (Calvin And Uncle Joker)
So yesterday Mom offered to help me not crash and burst into flames while I tried out my skates for the first time. So I strapped on the Safety Stuff, which is not fooling my autonomic nervous system and its RED ALERT mode at ALL, put on the skates, gingerly tried them out--

--and every single neighbor I have suddenly materialized at the end of my driveway to kibitz. Like fucking MAGIC.

I may have to do some unlearning here. I used to be able to ice skate and rollerblade without falling over and dying, but it seems that quad skates require a different balance and propulsion--just enough to confuse the hell out of me. The last time I wore quad skates it was probably those Fisher-Price blue-and-yellow jobs designed to go over your velcro'd Osh Kosh B'gosh shoes, the ones with the orange wheels that did not actually roll, and the most you could get out of them was a sort of dragging shuffle. These skates actually GO places. It is going to take some doing to figure out how to go WITH them.

I'll get it done, though. I kind of love the feeling of Getting Better With Practice. Not so much the feeling of pavement in my teeth, though--which is just added incentive to get this right.


ETA: I got the white pair of these. Which only come in men's sizes. Because nothing is manlier than rainbow-laced pink-wheeled roller skates, dammit.
bloodyrosemccoy: (Calvin And Uncle Joker)
So I just bought myself a pair of roller skates. Because, you know, you only live once.

Although conceivably you also live a lot longer if you don't decide it'd be a great idea to remove any possible traction keeping your head from slamming into the ground. I don't really understand the YOLO sentiment, is what I'm sayin'.

Now to go find a place where I can make a fool of myself in private until I get this somewhat figured out.
bloodyrosemccoy: (Logic Fail)
The one thing I took away from that Miss Utah business was that it's ludicrous to expect ANYONE to be able to provide a satisfactory answer to a multifaceted, yet bizarrely vague, question addressing a large social issue in the 12-second time frame allotted. I would have stood there aghast and finally said something like "How the hell am I supposed to answer THAT? World peace. Fuck you all" and stomped offstage.

One of the several reasons I am not Miss Utah, I guess.

Nerd Focus

Jun. 7th, 2013 11:51 pm
bloodyrosemccoy: (I AM MRS! NESBIT!)
I love how different interests cause you to focus on different things. I could not care less what kind of car the Mythbusters are trying to catapult into space, or what kind of gun they are shooting into deep-frozen watermelons, or whatever, but the instant they build a 1/3 scale model with an 18" doll for a dummy my brain is all LASER FOCUS. WHAT BRAND OF DOLL IS THAT? INQUIRING MINDS MUST KNOW, DAMMIT.
bloodyrosemccoy: (Calvin And Uncle Joker)
Okay, now, I realize you'd have to rip at least one hole in the spacetime continuum to make this happen, but I just want to put it out there to the TV networks that I would watch the SHIT out of a reality show with a cast comprising 7 or 8 standard attention-starved backstabbing jackasses and 1 Mister Rogers. If the seasons didn't all end with 7 or 8 better human beings in the world, I would at least get to watch angry people be stumped by relentless positivity.
bloodyrosemccoy: (Midna)
So my friend is an English teacher, and this year she decided to teach The Hobbit to her seventh graders. She asked me if I have any ideas about what to teach them. I think she was expecting a few thoughts. I NOW HAVE TWO SEMESTERS' WORTH OF LESSON PLANS.

Now to get a teaching certificate and go find some seventh graders.

At the moment we're discussing how Joseph Campbell's monomyth relates to The Hobbit.* I'm arguing the case that stopping at Rivendell counts as a Meeting With The Goddess. My case is that the Goddess is more a convenient archetype meant to suggest a well-known meeting of a sage guiding figure, and also that Elves are incredibly fabulous. I am glad she's more interested in my academic argument than my spurious bullshit, though, because otherwise I would have to pull out The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert as Exhibit A arguing Elrond's goddesslike qualities, and my friend is Mormon, so it would go unviewed.

Maybe we'll just skip right on to the Atonement. There are fewer drag queens involved.

(I'm always surprised at how overtly gendered Campbell's theory is. I think he's pretty cool, but to start with "The meeting with the Father Figure" and then immediately have to explain that the father figure doesn't necessarily have to be your dad or even a MAN tells me you need to find better terminology. Also, it tells me that George Lucas has always been one damned literal bastard.)


*Answer: pretty much exactly.
bloodyrosemccoy: (Snape Teaches)
Been trying to work out a plausible timeline of magical progress in OGYAFEland. I like paralleling it to technological advancement--you know, magic carpets start out rather weak and tough to steer, and through the generations folks work steadily to improve them to carry more things faster and farther. It's rather fun to come up with incremental advances, rather than having fully-developed spells just ready-made throughout history.

Of course, this depends on all magic being more or less based on physical objects, which has been the idea all along. It contrasts nicely with the Impossible Magic some of my own characters demonstrate, it allows people to use magic like we use iPods now, without having the faintest idea how it works, it puts wizards in a spot similar to engineers and scientists, AND it means that I get to use a particularly blingy type of magic wand--since a wand in this world is a compact rod with several spell nodes affixed to it for easy access and use.*

And it certainly helps shape the history of this world.

I'm not sure how much of this will make it into the actual OGYAFE, but it's sure fun to mess with. Gotta enjoy backstorying.


*I've had a problem with wands ever since Harry Potter. How the heck do wizards figure out spells? Do they just stand in a field with a wand and a Portuguese dictionary and flap around until somebody explodes or something? Is magic like trying to figure out a cheat code to unlock a spell? Obviously it's not intuitive since you need to go to school to learn it, so they've got to be doing SOMETHING.

DIY BTE

Jan. 11th, 2013 06:57 pm
bloodyrosemccoy: (I AM MRS! NESBIT!)
American Girl might have dropped the ball once again with another white Girl of the Year, but I will admit that lately they've made a few other rather impressive attempts to be inclusive. Along with the orthodontia set that I still find to be utterly hilarious, and their longstanding wheelchair option (I think I even have one of the early models around here somewhere), this year they've added options like a doll-sized epi-pen, dolls without hair, and--most relevant to my interests--a behind-the-ear hearing aid.

I considered getting one of these official hearing aids for Summer, since the ones I made for her got lost a while back. But that would require sending her in to the Doll Hospital, and I am far too lazy. That's why God gave us Sculpey and product packages that include 30 million twist ties apiece.

HearingAid_zps8a6b2f0b

So I made her a new set of hearing aids. The earmold is straight purple Sculpey; the case is white Sculpey with green nail polish. The connector is a twist tie.

HairAside_zpsb1fa1e3b

Hair out of the way.

Attachment_zpsa6ecc26c

I did take an idea from the AG aid, though. I've been trying to find a good way to keep the aids in her ears, and the piercing they do seemed like a good idea. So both the earmold and the bottom of the case are attached with headpins.

I'm also glad I got to pick my own colors for these. Pink is nice, but Summer just doesn't seem like the type who would pick pink for her hearing aids. Fortunately, do-it-yerself gives me far more options. Thank goodness for Sculpey.
bloodyrosemccoy: (ABCDEF Cookie Monster)
There's a sign at the pharmacy saying "Positive ID Required." Makes me wonder--what is a negative ID? I am picturing a card saying something like, "The carrier of this ID is definitely NOT wrestling legend Hollywood Hulk Hogan." Of course, if they're going to go through a comprehensive list of everyone I'm not, I'm going to need a bigger wallet.
bloodyrosemccoy: (Decemberween)
Of COURSE I am out to steal Christmas. Christmas is AWESOME. Gimme a piece of that action or I will TAKE it.

(Plus, I thought it was up for grabs anyway, since the Christians snatched it from the pagans. Are you telling me nobody else can have a winter holiday? I thought this season was about giving!)

bloodyrosemccoy: (Calvin And Uncle Joker)
A Pretty Good Sign That You Are Turning Into A Grownup

When asked what you want for your birthday, you reply "I could use some new underwear and pants!"

An Even Better Sign

You are really excited when you get them, too.
bloodyrosemccoy: (Change)
Hmm, that actor looks familiar, maybe I've seen him in a TV show? I'll just take a look on IMDB and AAAAH IT'S GARY OLDMAN I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN.

From now on I am going to assume that every vaguely familiar actor I can't immediately identify, be it middle-aged white dude, little girl, swarthy black dude, Asian femme fatale, Star Trek redshirt, rubber monster, wisecracking CGI fish, Muppet, or any other possible animate thing on screen, is Gary Oldman. I will probably have a 95% chance of being right.

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